Speaking of You as Me (or the opposite)

photoIf you kept a part of everything you’ve broken, how big would the pile be? Several trunks would follow moves, and, if you dared to reach into shards of glass and crockery, you might find forgotten hours and days in fragments.

Prufrock has scuttling claws, you bits of mugs given by hands and faces lost long ago. This imaginary pile is mostly accidental, products of inattention and clumsiness. Other broken things touched you peripherally. You pushed the button for the last time or found the weak bridge of plastic, metal, or fabric fated to snap or sever at someone’s hand—yours.

That’s something though, you were an instrument, the person present.

Of course, writing about your collection of broken things wouldn’t necessitate talking about those moments. Writing is coy, as much silence as saying. Quiet means to seduce readers, even if, as you compose, the idea of being seductive seems laughable. No one sees you as you search for what might incite longing. It will be your longing and a reader’s only second-hand. Loss eludes the future tense. You write about what’s gone because you wish for belief, faith in what you once possessed and don’t anymore.

You can’t write without guessing an audience’s desire, so every approach invents resistance. So much of what you might say no one wants to hear. In that pile of broken things is a key snapped in half, the other buried in a lock elsewhere. In that pile are edges defining what’s gone, the eye that implies a face or an eyeless face. Somewhere, among all the pieces, is an object you meant to keep whole and, no longer whole, lament still.

Among the rubble is lost childhood, everything meant to be reassembled, clues to what led to life now. As you began, you continue. Where you assembled, you stoke your desire to repair. You picture placing parts together, searching for pleading edges, epiphany in dissimilar but sympathetic losses.

Here is a device. Here is a machine. Writing means to make discarded cogs mesh and turn detritus into treasure. You’ve been told, perhaps many times, there’s truth in trash. Just look and, if you see nothing else, you will see abandonment. Privation speaks. All the fragments shout loss, seen or unseen, implicit, explicit, invisible, and aching.

And even if you keep no pile or trunk of pieces, the broken will lurk by implication. You have only so many words, and you’re bound to surround reality in your attempt to say what you can’t. It will all be said, either in words or in what they leave out.

Some part of you circles this imaginary midden, looking for clues that might collect it all and speak at last. You won’t quit believing in meaning. You can’t stop collecting. You want to realize sense in what you know is gone. You’re sure there’s something there.

Advertisements

8 Comments

Filed under Aging, Allegory, Ambition, Doubt, Essays, Experiments, Identity, Laments, life, Meditations, Memory, Nostalgia, Prose Poems, Revision, Thoughts, Worry, Writing

8 responses to “Speaking of You as Me (or the opposite)

  1. Oh, you writer, you. However, now that you have articulated your subject so beautifully, I can happily reblog this, come May, as I try to recover from poetry month.

    m

    • dmarshall58

      I’d love a reblogging, but I know how busy you were/are/always are. Your production is a wonder, and congratulations on poetry month. You produced some wonderful and promising work. Thanks for finding time to visit. –D

  2. Pingback: Poetics Serendipity | Margo Roby: Wordgathering

    • dmarshall58

      Thank you for re-blogging and your kind words. I’m not sure what a prose poem IS, but maybe that’s the number one requirement for writing one. –D

  3. Pingback: ·· ·ᕥ·ᕧ· ·ᓏ· future tense ·ᓆ· ·ᕥ·ᕧ· ·· | my heart's love songs

  4. hello, David ~
    i learned about you today in Margo Roby’s Poetics Serendipity post and was completely captivated by your essay {though i agree with Margo that it is more prose poetry.} i must thank you as i really haven’t been able to write since early February until today. i quoted an excerpt of your post with full credit to you and links back to the specific post and your blog, so a re-blog of sorts. i sincerely hope that my poem doesn’t offend you as i realize it is nowhere near the level of your writing.
    thank you for your inadvertent inspiration!

    • dmarshall58

      Hi Dani. As an English teacher, I celebrate all writing and especially appreciate your poem. Thanks so much for visiting, and I hope we can continue to exchange visits. –D

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s